Lucidity Speaks

When you speak, how often I must
listen with baited breath
to hear the thing you might say
next, could be funny or serious

off guard, i tend to spend these moments
and makes me like an addict
for I love the rush of blood to my
head when you make me think

before I speak, so I don't get it wrong
so I don't regret, but I live regretting
these moments, precious, few
i spend in awe of you, when Lucidity speaks

it reminds me that there's something in the
air around us that I'm breathing funny
something makes me come alive
ideas that once were silent fly into

the sky that wakes and blinks in
blue hues that colour everything around us
somehow sharper with your eyes wide open
your voice softly speaking things aloud

where I can hear them, over rush of blood
and thought where they are blooming now
in sunshine of your fertilising mind, strange
how coincidence draws you to new places

where I've decided I would share a glass
of wine with you that was old, red wine that
I would usually treasure with someone dear
like you could someday be, you shake me.

for the sake of the moment
will you hold on to me
nothing like pretending
so in my head i have
a perfect memory
just one perfect memory

she's holding so tight
to the darkness coming
she'll do all she can
to stop the tide rising
drink til she's drowning
what else to do
holding on so tight to you
not a moment to lose

always running scared of something
somebody's always pretending
being something that they're not

sometimes i have to make the effort
sometimes i have to try real hard
sometimes i have to make the effort
most of the time i question, is it worth it

sometimes i have to concentrate on what's ahead
i have to focus on what's important
and i have to choose between this and that other important thing
i want to go to sleep, lie down beside you
you are my important thing of the moment

cos i might never get this moment back
i might never get the hour back
and i would rather spend it in your love
than on something not worth it

sometime after dark last night
i fell in love with You
what am i supposed to do with that?

somewhere in the quietness of my mind
You crept inside, made Your own space
how am i to live with You inside my head?

I've got questions, so many damn questions
I can't answer for myself
I've got long lonely nights to think about them
I spend the night thinking about You
so we are Intimate, we are close
even though sometimes it's just Proximity

jsut by accident
or by some sweep of providence
i hit delete when i should have said
ignore
and now
it's left me here with nothing
but memories of what you said

and i suppose that it's the best way
to recover from the love that broke
my heart
that i had no cause to love you
and i had no right to ask

i'm calling you to say
i won't be calling anymore.

no life
that makes sense
at least i can't seem to find it
i drive
for hours on roads
that bend and twist but i can't lose
the reflection
in the rear view mirror
as i drive away from you

another sad week in wellington
and i try to find my life

and i swim and i swim
in this sea of sadness
i dream and dream
of brighter days
i like to think about your lips
on the side of a coffee cup
beside the beach

so i drove to the closest little
village i could find
didn't make me feel complete
there is no headspace where i'm hiding
no good hiding here

no action or thought in my life
seems to be real or
concluded
until i've told you,
asked you,
confessed to you,
discussed it with you
.... so i am feeling undone.

you are so sweet to me
like moonlight in doorways
you make things appear
different to what they are
and things through your eyes are much
softer.

i'm making it the hard way
fighting all the goodness
never laying down all that i should
i am fighting your sweetness
trying to take the sugar off my
tongue.

pleasing myself and pleasing you
there's a civil war between the
hemispheres of my head, my heart
likes to break over and over
my sugarcane heart breaks over you.

they say
you can't write poetry on a computer
but in ten or twenty years
i'm not sure that i'll know any other way

certainly i prefer the feel of paper and the
silkiness of my pen spilling it's
emotional ink all under my fingers
instead of Bill's cold plastic giving me RSI

i never heard of anyone getting RSI from
sending too many Hallmark cards
technology is battling me for your heart
because you spend your life breathing here

living over there, 4000 miles away
ten days ago i sent you love poems and dreams
all on my computer. maybe if i had sent you
paper.. you would love me
and live here with me.

blue skies are blinking at me
i should be happier today
but i'm realising
we're going to have to relearn conversation
distance is so hard
sometimes you seem so close
other days i don't think
you need me anymore.

and i reason it out
that it's not in your nature
to say those things aloud
and there's a certain amount of caution in it
but i wish that you would
so i didn't feeling
like i was being devious by having thoughts of you.

i'm whispering to the world
tiptoeing out in cyberspace
i'm listening

you don't talk back often
i jsut flood you with my ideas
and you reflect back at me
all that everyone is thinking
still my head is full full
my heart soft soft

i am trying to build a bridge
but it blows in the wind
and i have to move my foundations...

maybe i should just start from the top
walk across
and not worrying about from the ground up.

finding peace in all the running out
of things to say
that involve words
there's so much that i'm used
to telling you with eyes
and touch

in the afterglow of drinking...
when young hard men fall asleep
and i sit awake
recovering from the trembling and heat
that says i should be loving you

i sit drinking coffee to mellow out
a strange contradiction. like a cup of tea after a gig.
i'm thinking about you and intimacy
getting lonelier

it's getting colder here
but it's not yet in snow season
so i've got a nice idea
let's pack up the books and journals
take this life journey
to an older continent
my love let's take ourselves to spain

let's make conversation amongst
old buildings and spanish lovesongs
where our guitar songs are sweeter
and softer, drinking harder and longer

let's go to bed and wake up
to spanish sun, where we are brown
and bodies feel kissed by light
barcelona and all the romance
of the languages
and cathedrals. let's talk about bronze
and world changers
in summer
my love let's go to spain

i've often dreamed of that place
seems to be a perfect fit
for a season out of place
let's go be soft and gentle and brown
laugh and play
feel rhythm underfoot
eat spices and drink wine
make sweet words
and learn to dance

my love lets go to spain
and return here to hibernate
once winter strikes again.

here i am in silence
here iu am in winter chill
here i am in sunlight burst
on a grey day
sitting in a window sill

here i am in my ordinary life
hoping for extraordinary things to be today
here i am in my ordinary life
i've got extraordinary dreams
i'm waiting for monday to arrive
here in my ordinary life

i've been sitting here in silence
listening to the radio and wondering what i'm listening for
the rain is beating on the windows of the bedroom
and it's lonely here without you
lonely here without you but
i wouldn't want to give away your dreams at all

so, i'm holding to a window of the future
a glimpse of all that we could be
and i'm okay with that.
for now.

i've been walking through the city
i've questioning my mind trying to understand
my reasons for this trouble that i find
and i wouldn't want to break away or change
the outcomes of the hopes i have for
based on last weeks yesterday

so i'm holding on
waiting
and i'm holding on
waiting for you
to come around
return from where you've been
i'm waiting here
and i'm okay with that.

when a word falls from my lips it means nothing,
what does it mean? it means nothing
when a word falls from my lips it means nothing
it means nothing
when i speak to you
would you
listen to my heart speak over and over

i've no expression or phrase
that means exactly what i want to say
so
listen to my heart speak
over and over
listen to my heart
as it cries out to you

i'd like to make believe with you
if that's alright
we've got the pieces that we need to make
enough of a
pretend romance

spin spinning a
spin spinning around around around
i've got to let go i'm so frightened i cant get control of this
im spin spinning out of contol
i have got nowhere to land that's
soft and soft and at all secure