i am an old woman
as old as the sea, battering the coast into submission
her shattering shoreline falling into soft, buttery pieces
foamy and chaotic

i am an old woman
as long and wrung out as old cotton
in danger of yellowing and wrinkling in the light
stiff and harsh

i am an old woman
laughter and frowning written in the same lines
my face framed by unruliness i no longer care to tame
wild and ruthless

i am an old woman
my youth vanished from my womb and skin and eyes
mirth replaced with wisdom of children that never arrived
lost in transition

i am an old woman
standing still with the shock of it realising
i have arrived at the moment of farewelling life for what it never was
bed empty, full heart

i am an old woman
who loved with the heat of one thousand suns
loved and loved and loved without pretense and knew your every heart
beating and whole

i am an old woman
who grew so waiting on you

you are kind with your words but
i wish you weren't a liar
wish you weren't pieces of every other woman
wish you weren't tied up by the past and twelve
other lives

i could've loved you into freedom and
given over all you asked
bought your truth from the demons on your shoulder
but you're a liar and you remain
too happy to live in the grave
and your desire for control
robs the love i had for you in moments
of clarity, my love for you dies
and i wish you weren't a liar
so we could speak in truth

i would tell you these things
to unstitch the women of your past
to use your own name
and be brave enough to be fully human
fully known