no life
that makes sense
at least i can't seem to find it
i drive
for hours on roads
that bend and twist but i can't lose
the reflection
in the rear view mirror
as i drive away from you

another sad week in wellington
and i try to find my life

and i swim and i swim
in this sea of sadness
i dream and dream
of brighter days
i like to think about your lips
on the side of a coffee cup
beside the beach

so i drove to the closest little
village i could find
didn't make me feel complete
there is no headspace where i'm hiding
no good hiding here

no action or thought in my life
seems to be real or
concluded
until i've told you,
asked you,
confessed to you,
discussed it with you
.... so i am feeling undone.

you are so sweet to me
like moonlight in doorways
you make things appear
different to what they are
and things through your eyes are much
softer.

i'm making it the hard way
fighting all the goodness
never laying down all that i should
i am fighting your sweetness
trying to take the sugar off my
tongue.

pleasing myself and pleasing you
there's a civil war between the
hemispheres of my head, my heart
likes to break over and over
my sugarcane heart breaks over you.

they say
you can't write poetry on a computer
but in ten or twenty years
i'm not sure that i'll know any other way

certainly i prefer the feel of paper and the
silkiness of my pen spilling it's
emotional ink all under my fingers
instead of Bill's cold plastic giving me RSI

i never heard of anyone getting RSI from
sending too many Hallmark cards
technology is battling me for your heart
because you spend your life breathing here

living over there, 4000 miles away
ten days ago i sent you love poems and dreams
all on my computer. maybe if i had sent you
paper.. you would love me
and live here with me.

blue skies are blinking at me
i should be happier today
but i'm realising
we're going to have to relearn conversation
distance is so hard
sometimes you seem so close
other days i don't think
you need me anymore.

and i reason it out
that it's not in your nature
to say those things aloud
and there's a certain amount of caution in it
but i wish that you would
so i didn't feeling
like i was being devious by having thoughts of you.

i'm whispering to the world
tiptoeing out in cyberspace
i'm listening

you don't talk back often
i jsut flood you with my ideas
and you reflect back at me
all that everyone is thinking
still my head is full full
my heart soft soft

i am trying to build a bridge
but it blows in the wind
and i have to move my foundations...

maybe i should just start from the top
walk across
and not worrying about from the ground up.

finding peace in all the running out
of things to say
that involve words
there's so much that i'm used
to telling you with eyes
and touch

in the afterglow of drinking...
when young hard men fall asleep
and i sit awake
recovering from the trembling and heat
that says i should be loving you

i sit drinking coffee to mellow out
a strange contradiction. like a cup of tea after a gig.
i'm thinking about you and intimacy
getting lonelier

it's getting colder here
but it's not yet in snow season
so i've got a nice idea
let's pack up the books and journals
take this life journey
to an older continent
my love let's take ourselves to spain

let's make conversation amongst
old buildings and spanish lovesongs
where our guitar songs are sweeter
and softer, drinking harder and longer

let's go to bed and wake up
to spanish sun, where we are brown
and bodies feel kissed by light
barcelona and all the romance
of the languages
and cathedrals. let's talk about bronze
and world changers
in summer
my love let's go to spain

i've often dreamed of that place
seems to be a perfect fit
for a season out of place
let's go be soft and gentle and brown
laugh and play
feel rhythm underfoot
eat spices and drink wine
make sweet words
and learn to dance

my love lets go to spain
and return here to hibernate
once winter strikes again.

here i am in silence
here iu am in winter chill
here i am in sunlight burst
on a grey day
sitting in a window sill

here i am in my ordinary life
hoping for extraordinary things to be today
here i am in my ordinary life
i've got extraordinary dreams
i'm waiting for monday to arrive
here in my ordinary life

i've been sitting here in silence
listening to the radio and wondering what i'm listening for
the rain is beating on the windows of the bedroom
and it's lonely here without you
lonely here without you but
i wouldn't want to give away your dreams at all

so, i'm holding to a window of the future
a glimpse of all that we could be
and i'm okay with that.
for now.

i've been walking through the city
i've questioning my mind trying to understand
my reasons for this trouble that i find
and i wouldn't want to break away or change
the outcomes of the hopes i have for
based on last weeks yesterday

so i'm holding on
waiting
and i'm holding on
waiting for you
to come around
return from where you've been
i'm waiting here
and i'm okay with that.

when a word falls from my lips it means nothing,
what does it mean? it means nothing
when a word falls from my lips it means nothing
it means nothing
when i speak to you
would you
listen to my heart speak over and over

i've no expression or phrase
that means exactly what i want to say
so
listen to my heart speak
over and over
listen to my heart
as it cries out to you

i'd like to make believe with you
if that's alright
we've got the pieces that we need to make
enough of a
pretend romance

spin spinning a
spin spinning around around around
i've got to let go i'm so frightened i cant get control of this
im spin spinning out of contol
i have got nowhere to land that's
soft and soft and at all secure

here i am again
clothed in the same robe
i wore when i fell at your feet
for the first time
i've tried to wash it clean
in rivers that i travelled through
though i have been soaked to the skin
i still bear the dirt and the shame
so i come to your grace

you are waiting here for me
i know that your heart beats louder
the closer i come
it's like i feel your own love
burning for me like i burn for you

come closer now
let me breathe in your grace and and peace
there is none like you
none that satisfys my need.

how i long to be as close to you
as i have been. to worship
i cry out to bend my knee
to sing aloud in words that
mean something.

i have wandered off the path
without realising the change in the concrete
without realising that mud and mire is
swarming up to pull me back
into the darkness
i have been escaping.

yet i look to the heavens
and there are you
holding out a hand of grace
strong enough to beat the tide
of my own inadequacy.

things to remember when i am lonely and absent
like the colour of your sky from the north
things to remember
when i am colourblind with tears
when i am mourning things
i have not known

things to cling to when the sea is full of storn
choked up with all the things i'd like to say
things that i should have thrown away
things that will make a memory of me one day

things to hold on to in the midst of the wind
things that make romance happen in the middle of the day
for when i've had enough of things that make no sense
you're the thing that brings it all together
that makes the frame make sense

have you ever taken the truth from me
ever lied to make me smile ever lies to set me free no never
you have always been the one that means the most to me
so i will

hold on to these things
the things of you that make
make it all so clear to me
to me these things mean nothing
so i will hold on to none of it

i will be free

of the everyday things
and leave behind the messy things
i don't need anymore of your painful things
i have enough of my own...
things.

things to remember when i am lonely and absent
like the colour of your sky from the north
things to remember
when i am colourblind with tears
when i am mourning things
i have not known
things to cling to when the sea is full of storn
choked up with all the things i'd like to say
things that i should have thrown away
things that will make a memory of me one day

i will be free of things like these...

you give yourself away
in the breaking hour of the day
you hope that promises you make
with tears will bring you some of
the joy you seek
but daily you get down on your knees

you give yourself away
to convuluted dreams and aspirations
that meant nothing in the light
of all you've seen, you'll do anything
save admitting that you're lost
but in the evening you still pray

in heaven's rapture answers fall
from fleeting skies that drip and tuire
they roll and sway beneath the waves
of hemisphere and oxygen

when i am old and gray
not so long from now
i will remember you
into the hills and valleys
i will carve the promise of your
great hope
i will tell children of the inspiring
shadows you cast as you walked
and where the river followed as you ran
i will not forget to remind them
of the care you took of the little flowers
how you tolerated the thorn
and understood the grief of the lily

i will hold onto you in the sunsets
and remember you as it rises, listening
to waves crashing down in their lament
for you, where you fade too quickly
from the earth
where human form leads you to decay
but spirit remains remains

from eat to west i will travel the land
make my path through the ocean currents
i will take your spirit with me
over the mountains you should have travelled
swimming in the sea
where your skin would've tanned
and your hair lightened.
cataracts should've formed pale discs
on hazel orbs.
we would've rushed to catch the scenery
whilst you were able.
paris, vienna, rome and through the desert
of africa
papua new guinea
where we buried your sister
before i knew her

i will tell my children how you loved your children
and suffered the indignity of being
married to a man out of age
but suffered with grace. i will tell them
how to his grave he proclaimed you
were the best in every aspect of his life
and i will weep my lament to heaven
for words he should have shared with you.

where is this grief that should have been
spun out with weariness and sorrow
tears that should have fallen on gravesides
memorial roses
or maybe the carrot beds that should've saved you.
i will remember you
i will weep where others have not
and be joyful for your spirit in me.

i'm such a strange strange girl
i don't like to make a fuss of my
femininity or my womanhood
i don't take serious enough the suffrage movement
i don't take serious enough
my biblical responsibility
i believe in mutual submission
but i look in the mirror
i see

oh i'm such a strange strange girl
mostly independent
mostly free of consequence
dependance and comforting things
but what does a strong girl do
what does a strong girl do
when she doesn't feel like
like being alone

what does a strong girl do
she can't put on a show like those other girls do
being meek and mild is not so easy for her
she is too quick to open her mouth
what does a strong girl do
when she is looking for a strong enough man
how does she convince him that she's
willing to tow the line.