just tell me honestly and quick now
everything on your mind, clouding up the sky
breaking my heart is not so easy,
my grace allows
the darkness and the strife,
my heart stays in the light listening to
the thunder start to roll
but still i know, you're worth it in the end
and the storm above can blow
but close i'll hold you so
until forever is something we both can recognise
along with the colour in the sky
return to blue

I Won't Let Go Of You


Fish the moon like an arrow
I'll hold on to this narrow wire
I won't let go of you
In the darkness of the moment
Nylon burns on the line of my fingers
but I won't let go of you

You can be as strong as you like
For as long as you want
But I won't let go of you

You can crumble into pieces
and fall over the cliff
but I won't let go of you
I'll gather all the pieces
until you find the magic glue
I won't let go of you

You can be as brave as you can
As fearless as you're able cos
there's just no way, no reason
for me to ever, I just won't ever
I won't let go of you

So please
when you're launching into darkness
know that
I'll be waiting on the end of the line
cos I know
everything be alright in a little while
so please
keep on with the letting go of it and
know that
there is a patience that is long enough
cos I know
you're worth it in the end, so hold on
so please

you can be as strong as you like
for as long as you want
but I won't let go of you
so worth holding on to
I won't let go of you

you can be safe and fearless even reckless
you can live out on the edge
cos I won't let go of you
I won't let go of you

Oh I live in a land of regrets
oh there are a few but mostly i forget
the names, the places
it's just the feelings I remember
and the look in your eyes
of complete surprise, I always took you by surprise

but i have never loved the easy road
i like the rocky, turning path
i move around my shadow like the sun
i let the struggle break me til i'm soft
and i rise up the victor in the end
a softer girl than i began

_______________________________


Requiem For Moonlight


once in the shadow of a dark moon
caught in the lamplight flicker
hope danced on a black sky
dimples of light where her feet landed

hope knows how to dance on the deep darkness
in the depths she latches on with fury
curls up her will into lightening
eyes flash and spirit leaps

i am living beyond the horizon my whole life long
you'll never catch me
nor trample the starlight I leave behind

_________________________________________________


i might be made of pieces
but i'm not fucking broken
so move your hand from my cheek
and from my back
i don't need your strength to stand
i'm not broken despite the best attempts

i might be made of pieces
but i'm not over
and i'm satisfied to work on that
cos on my knees, some humility
God knows the state of my heart
not fucking broken, strong enough

this is a life in progress
and I'm a heart of pieces
perfectly designed for easy examination
heartbreaks and rebuilding destinations
i'm not over, i'm not over
324 perfect little pieces
piecing me back again, again

i have a strong heart
my mother gave it me
when i was young and ever since
i've kept in good nick
a strong heart
it withstands heavy things
good luck breaking it

i might be made of pieces
mostly from the inside out
parts of the heart that live outside my shell
and beat a tattoo that I know on my soul
pieces, where'd i learn to be so strong
got it in pieces, from the broken ones
but i'm not broken i'm not broken
just a collection

Love Of A Long Time


it takes a long time to love
cos love is a creeping vine
entangles and entwines you
and it likes to take it's time
gets deeper with each winter
each sorrowed autumn drought
and the spring rains in September
they give seed to love itself

when first you thought you ever knew him
and years before you did
there were glimmers in the heart, before the loving ever starts

just a whisper you belong here
safe within his strong heart arms
and the chuckle of surrender along a girlish tender laugh

when first i knew you love was hurried
a faint and grand idea but it's settled on my secret heart
your name, and love has grown there
five long summers in six years, broken dreams along the way
whilst i thought once had loved so truly
our true love grew on the way

call me home within that strong heart
where I've shared some sorrows too
and the joy of our long love dear, is what brings me home to you.
and when i'm far from you remember just how deep this love has grown
i am yours now, all entangled and your strong heart is my own.

it takes a long time to love
love likes to take it's time
might take an hour every day for six years in a row
might take a full moon and a promise when love starts to grow
leave time love, for the fighting, for wounds to heal a mite
and the love gets better for the depths of it, the loving's better for the scars

keep a picture of the heart in envy
take one in ecstasy, and let them both live in the memory
so you see what love can be

take me home into that strong heart,
to the only home I know
and make me laugh dear, with the memories
of the long road home to here.

i built this hard, love, with my fierce heart
i refused to let you go, once i realised what we were dear
what love we have become.
they might ask me why a strong man, when i could have asked for less
but i'll say i wanted heart, your strong heart that loved me best.
we work so hard to make a life but the love is big enough
and that's why it is so hard at times because the love is much too much

it took so long to learn surrender, my truth, but i learn it from your arms.

Ambition.


there are the dark days
that cloud the mind right from the start
there are the eulogies i compose
for my own goodbyes
there are the melodies i've learned
to sing by heart when i'm alone, afraid
my life has been a song of sorrows

there is a quietness that i have never shaken
a terrifying absence and depression
that most of what i dream of will never come to pass
cos i imagine life too big before i even start

and my ambition is to make a difference
as large a one as i ever could concieve
and my name may never be made known
my ambition stays the same
i'd make a difference to your heart

i've read ten thousand names and whispered them aloud
i've spent long nights awake perfecting every part
i've listened to the heartbeat of a thousand lives
and heard the same refrain, and i've tried to make a difference

there are the words that stick
within the corners of the mind
there are the tears that start
with any memory of long hard nights
there are the sad songs and poems
that walk me through the days
my life has been a song of sorrows

and my ambition is to make a difference
collecting all the stories my life is made of
and if i could somehow remember all their names
my ambition was to make a difference to your heart
and their names would make the finest start

my eulogy can start anytime you like
as soon as you feel satisfied, i'll take the walk
i simply ask to see a thousand faces beside the Son
and remember me where i made a difference to your heart

A Collection Of Stanzas

1.
i want to cry forever
until my tears are dry
i want to cry forever
until i'm washed away
i want to cry forever
until my skin is pale
through and through
til there is nothing of me

2.
how precious is grief
like a numb and sting
all at once and over again
how quiet is the pain
though my heart is loud inside my skin
my words fall into silence
and i hold on fast to them

3.
i don't need you to argue for me tonight
not with me, yourself or any other ghosts
oh let angry words put down their curses
and weapons aim their sights away
let rain wash all things clean again
oh what other good is there for a storm tonight?

4.
have mercy with your words tonight
in your arms tonight
for the sake of our love and my hurt tonight
don't break me, have mercy tonight
i break and i boil and live a little
where you are even when you're far

5.
love has a way through valleys and rises
there must be a way of peace through all of this
for all i've done wrong
all that's pulled apart
all injustice decried

if you're torn all to pieces
i can mend a broken heart

las profundidades de mi corazón

so i keep on talking
late into the night
and parts of me feel mostly dead
you're keeping me alive

so age is not the passing
or a measure of what's past
just keeping score of what
we've given up, my love
you saved my life tonight
you did it twice before you noticed
i was drowning in the dark
then you came to me

come and be my lover
marry me for good
you can be my anchor

i will be your truth - and hold me to the light
marry me for good and always
you can be the anchor
in the depths of my heart is you
So i keep on talking
and Im out of breath
and all I am is light and dark
and there's no words left

But in the depths of my heart
in the depths of my heart
in the depths of my heart is you

Fragments Of Songs I'm Writing For You.


dark night on a long road
220 minutes still to go
spacing out time on odometer
with all our stories running through my head

if we stretched out all the spaces
we had nothing much to say
we'd be further than it seems right now
we'd still not be ok
we're farther than we started
we're still more than far away

if i opened up the wreckage of this life
you'd see sparks fly from my insides
and the flames burn higher for the silence
my spark wants you to stay, for the road home

------------------------

you
take
me
piece
at
a
time
with
no
patience
for
my
spirit
weak
tired.
you
take
me
apart.

------------------------

oh my dear sad heart
on far shore you proclaim
the strength of days the hope
of past mistakes restored i
am only ever waiting on a
star to fall from
outer reaches of the
dark, fragrant spaces.

oh the dearest, the best
save all the letters and
re-scatter them, make new
beds we lie in every Saturday
and new songs rewritten
in each small perfection
a confection of the melancholy
perfect symphony of catastrophe.

laid upon disaster oh the
vanishes of deep blue skies
and conflicting pinstripes call
nothing left on wasting time
floating on the current of the
day with light accompanying
you to heaven with a violent
twist, an aching kiss.

How Easy It Is To Mistake Grief For Loneliness And Vice Versa

I'm feeling the Ache tonight
and i don't know why still i know it was right
to hear your voice today but you echo in me tonight

the breath of God is falling, in the ruach Elohim
like rivers to my soul still i am empty
waiting for rain to come

come fill my sorrows til the cup is done
my skin is burning for the company of a friend
my life is turning with whispers of the end
i'm holding on, holding on

my song is not yet done, my kiss is still on hold
my lips are full of words my heart is not silent
you echo in me tonight, your voice is in my head
and God is present and around it

you search for love notes in the corners of my room
hidden in boxes and for rainy days
but i tell you honestly, you will not find them there
i've written them under your skin

you'll learn to love the whiskey on my tongue
like honey, like raisin and rum

He Aprendido De Sus Labios.

from corners and shadows
the echoes of blue shattered with moonlight
falling from below the world

i have learned from your lips
the sound of hunger
and from your touch the sight of horror
from your lips wonder and sorrow comes
in the breath of the night
like a lamp set on fire

in daylight and winter
the crisp burn of the frosthit ground
rising in the aftermath

i have learned from your lips
the endless thirsting
and from your words the silence of love
from your lips promise and sadness falls
in the breath of the night
like a lamp set on fire

in dying flames and blue smoke
the embers and the ash of warstrikes
to the heart and truth of it

i have learned from your lips
the satisfaction
and from your want, the never coming
from your lips the true and untrue kiss
in the breath of the night
like a lamp set on fire


Monday, June 30, 2008
My Trouble.
at the bottom of the glass
at the end of the page
whatever road you carry on with
you're gonna go on your own
there's nothing you take with you
when you go down to the sorrows

sorrow burns my eyes tonight
sorrow burns my eyes tonight
cos beauty is born and dies in the sadness
and i am sweetly blind
stuck in the middle of coming and going
stuck in the doorway of my trouble

if i leave you, i leave you
when i go down, down
to the darkness of sorrows
blue light shining
all around me
trouble's light and trouble's woe
all around me

at the bottom of the glass
at the end of the page
friend become a empty foe
words slip off the pages
fall unformed from my lips
dark in the valley
when i go down, down

sorrow burns my eyes tonight
sorrow burns my eyes tonight
cos beauty is born and dies in the sadness
and i am sweetly blind
stuck in the middle of coming and going
stuck in the doorway of my trouble

in the land of sorrows
light is blinding with a pinspot
on my kindness every grace is sharpened
against my skin for the blue light gathers in
whatever is gained under the light you cannot keep
can't bring a soul with you cos they'll never quite leave

ode to 16 minutes before showtime at the first public showing

you are the heady space between nausea and applause
the dark seconds ticking by
with apprehensive good luck wishes
thoughts of every other moment we wished ourselves free of

humiliation and cluttered mind to find three chords
here on a fretboard, distortion pedal, ivory and bass drum
rest, 3, 4 and tuning. walk, pace, turn, fidgetting in
perfect time with a scratched nailpolished forefinger twisting

through hair and pacing yourself, too much punctuation and too
few word phrase lyrical melodies in the head oh peace in closing
black dustbound staged perfectly cramped sweaty bliss of
16 minutes before the clock countdown to relief and in all this

breathing is sometimes more complicated that you expected.

ode to elongated sentences, adjectives and syntax that wraps around the corners of the world

you solely possess the unerring ability to
make me smile, laugh, cry and sink
deep below waves of torrent emotion and
otherwise reknown experience and all

in a series of movement known as teeth and tongue
sharp intakes and breath and exhaling whoosh
words sound so different in the head when swimming round the
brain cavity rather than the resonators

but still on paper wrapped around corners
so precise and specific in their unveiling of perfect
adjectives and cobwebby words that were once loved and
left behind in the gobblegook chasing down on sunlight

leaving nothing but abrupt shadows of fleeting ideas
barely grasped but in bright dazzling light
you sit on the page so elegantly, so full and complete with
rounded bellies and strong thighs, architectural wonders

words that have learned to caress one another.

ode to the view from my window at 5.48pm on a Wednesday



newcall you're always

so hustle and bustle

with your crisp overfabricated

solid brick lines of 1983



you speak in short blunt sentences

of illustrious views you have

from corner offices

you whisper your smug delight to



church steeple

always so envious of her sleek lines

and how she soaks up the evening light

like a vacuum built just for golden rays

of early evening



both of you submissive to the

reservoir that holds all hope

within it's grey exterior

i wonder if hope gets warm

as sunlight hits the sides

of your great reserving force



how beautiful it is

to know the secret intimacies of the west

while facing east

seeing nothing of the fact

but knowing the full naked effect

of the sun setting at our backs



the four of us sitting so

resolutely on a quarter block

above Odeon.

ode to the Galbraiths chef sitting at the backdoor.

pink flustered mottle cheeks
ripe like peaches or pork belly

you stand like a beacon to
long hours and
damp hot sweaty
oil slick
conditions

the set of your chin is
vacant and motionless
as if born that way

busy
hassled
frought

this order and that
with one swing of a teatowel
over a jovially round shoulder
you pivot

back into orders of
fries and pies
pub grub

you wonder about
fine cuisine
and peter gordon
throwing pearls before
swine
and thank God for yeast.

ode to the cigarettesmoking man in ngaruawahia

lungbuster
in stubbed shorts with
a winter tan protuding
on strong legs

hiding in shadow
of a beer belly
pie belly
donuts and pastry
construction worker
truck driver
all the jobs you
might have had

causing you to wear
very nonFashion Week
fluoro yellow

on the side of the road smoking
in ngaruawahia

at least your lungs must be
warm and that congested feeling
must be comforting
at 7.30am

a waikato september

I am tired now
Just lately when I think about it

Whoever said apathy wouldn’t get me
Whoever said that you wouldn’t rub off on me
Who ever said
Cos I was never that honest with you
I am tired now just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it lately

And my head feels a little colder
My heart feels a little smaller
My world seems a little shorter
Something must be gone just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it lately
Things just aren’t the same

a little darkness now
a little silence in the staunch
white light
that calls me out of this sadness.

a brief sorrow
shared in ether for a soul
i could barely know
but love has grown so that i grieve her.

Lucidity Speaks

When you speak, how often I must
listen with baited breath
to hear the thing you might say
next, could be funny or serious

off guard, i tend to spend these moments
and makes me like an addict
for I love the rush of blood to my
head when you make me think

before I speak, so I don't get it wrong
so I don't regret, but I live regretting
these moments, precious, few
i spend in awe of you, when Lucidity speaks

it reminds me that there's something in the
air around us that I'm breathing funny
something makes me come alive
ideas that once were silent fly into

the sky that wakes and blinks in
blue hues that colour everything around us
somehow sharper with your eyes wide open
your voice softly speaking things aloud

where I can hear them, over rush of blood
and thought where they are blooming now
in sunshine of your fertilising mind, strange
how coincidence draws you to new places

where I've decided I would share a glass
of wine with you that was old, red wine that
I would usually treasure with someone dear
like you could someday be, you shake me.