Today I turned the pages of the book
and found in my disgrace that they were written on
a story with my name in it
that I could not erase

she dances in the moonlight where no one cares to see
she dances to the music that she longs for you to hear
she dances only when she needs to say the words she can't
she dances when she ought to use the phone instead

today I turned the pages in the book you gave
and found that I was getting older every day
I glanced into the mirror above it's ivory pages
and I found amongst my curls the sign of grayness.

I didn't mean to grow so old so fast
that the hair upon my head would show my age
I'm reading with the pages just as fast as they appear
but I had no way of knowing how the story found me here

I'm dancing in the moonlight where no one cares to see
I'm dancing to the music that I long for you to hear
I'm dancing just to find the words that quickly disappear
I'm dancing just in case you ever call

I promise I won't skip ahead or cease to turn the page
I promise I won't hide from all the sentences that cry
I promise I won't stay here in the glow of chapter three
I promise I won't keep the ending out of sight
I promise you, I won't take all the grayness out.

Wisdom you have called it, age of sorrow I could say
Either way, I'm here now and life is here to stay
The joys they come as quickly as the rain
But always in the mirror now, there'll be that sign of gray.

This is my old new everything hymn
i'll speak of suffering
i'll speak of majesty
i'll speak of everything you mean to me

I have suffered, wrestled and fought with all of my might
all of my strength, i have cried, i have cried
I have cried, but you're still who you say you are
i have suffered endless silences, endless prayers
i have cried, but you're still who you say you are

This is my old new everything hymn
i'll speak of suffering
i'll speak of majesty
i'll speak of everything you mean to me

And i've tried to sing the songs of every man
i've tried to sing the songs to say what i can
but here i am speechless in my own language
here I am, come find me here again, come find me here again

i have worshiped you, been voiceless and fearless before you
i've seen the dawn and fallen, down on my knees, down on my knees
i've lifted my head and felt freedom again, felt free
i've rediscovered beauty on earth, i've cried and smiled, i've laughed
you're still who you say you are, you're still who you say you are

This is my old new everything hymn
i'll speak of suffering
i'll speak of majesty
i'll speak of everything you mean to me

And i've tried to sing the songs of every man
i've tried to sing the songs to say what i can
but here i am speechless in my own language
here I am, come find me here again, come find me here again


and how can it be, i'm so relentlessly awful
and you're so, majesty evermore
and how can it be, i'm so relentlessly awful
and you're so, majesty evermore

This is my old new everything hymn
i'll speak of suffering
i'll speak of majesty
i'll speak of everything you mean to me

And i've tried to sing the songs of every man
i've tried to sing the songs to say what i can
but here i am speechless in my own language
here I am, come find me here again, come find me here again

Starbucks Napkin
You better watch
out for the Man in
unexpected places & stay
mind full of your
own dark tendency to
rise & fall like the stock market
on waves of pop culturity.

No, your compass has lost it's
northward point to authenticity
and this franchise has
won your over with a
pretence to your beatnik heroes
fools you with it's fair trade
beans still harvested
by those hands scarred and
weathered, that never held a pen
or wrote a poem.

the heartbeat of this city
has moved SoHo art from SoHo to
Westside and pretty soon
you'll find yourself lost
in the Grid because the new
arists & poets write
beats in Starbucks.

_________________________________


A Christmas Prayer

Lord as we celebrate Your birth
May we live knowing
Jesus, You are our Hope
Jesus, You are our Peace

May we share with all those around us
Family, friends and strangers that
Jesus, You are our Joy
Jesus, You are Love

Great God of love and light.
We remember the star that shone
to first lead people to your Son.
Lead us now, by the light of your love, that
we also may follow you to new life in Him.

Teach us and show us how to live in love
In a world that is filled with violence.
May we be just, truthful and willing to love
All those that we meet along the way.

Those that are filled with sorrow
May they know joy & be comforted
Those that are hungry
May they be fed & be satisfied

Those that are lonely
May they know love & find community
Those that are angry
May they find peace & restoration

May we love freely
And know God with Us
May we give joyfully
And know God with Us
May we receive with wonder
And know God with Us

As we celebrate Your entry into
The human timeline by birth
Messy, complicated, mysterious

May You enter into our lives again
Glory be to God
Amen

Lord, hear the cry of your Children
We are weak, we are limited in understanding
Grant us your eyes to see and ears to hear

For the sake of the Kingdom, may we strip ourselves away
For the sake of Your name, may there be nothing left
For the sake of those who do not yet know Your Love
Make us humble at the feet of our brothers and sisters

Teach us to learn from those around us
Teach us to walk in Your ways
Refocus our eyes, change our lens
Cleanse from us the sin of pride

In a world where there are many Right Ways
Simply help us to avoid the Wrong Ways.
In a world where there are many Voices
Help us to listen wisely, and to speak more so.

For the sake of the long-time, middle-aged, newbie and not-yet
For the sake of Us, the Followers
Tell us again the Story of finding and feeding sheep.
Find us, feed us again.

and you do so much wrong
because you like the taste
of crime on your tongue crying out
oh honey, i'm undone

oh you won't fall in love
til you know that you can't screw it up

A Prayer For Me
Lord, I worship because You are worthy of it
I worship because it reminds me how very great You are
and how very great I am not
it helps me to keep life on a very human scale.

Lord, I lead because You have given it to me
because my ability to do this task is God-given
I remember that there are some who are younger, newer, fresher
to lead in worship, life and loving You.

Lord, I serve because You did first
because it is necessary to stay close to the ground
being down here, reminds me that those who are younger, newer, fresher
have so much to offer to my growth and worship

Teach me to lay down all that has been given
to wait with open hands for that which You daily place there
Give me all that I need to serve and love and lead
make my spotlight a private place before Your throne

lead me in the way of everlasting hope
from above me, below me and all around me
that my humanity would be small but not small-minded
and my life would swell with only Your divinity

Amen

Oh Lord, help me.
Once upon a time, I had faith.
Once, I had eyes that saw beyond here and now.
Once, I could listen and hear your voice in the breath of the earth.

Now I feel cold and alone.
You still are. Not nearer, nor farther.
Just are. Yet I am absent, and I long for you.

Shine your light. Lift my sad head, to see your light.

Confessions

I bow my knee and lift my head
I look to you in reverence
there's nothing left that I can say or do

in this moment I am desolate
without your love I wouldn't last a day
every moment I rest on You

I remain undone by what You say
to me and how You change my life
with Your love and grace
You have redeemed me
my brokenness forgotten
Your life it seems to grow
within my soul, Your love takes hold

so mark this my confession
there is nothing left to give away
oh I adore You, I adore You

and all of my belonging
comes to rest upon this place
oh I adore You, I adore You

let me give this heart completely
followed by this life, my love, my all
for I adore You, I adore You

I adore You, I adore You
Your grace upon my face to shine
Your light this life to live within...

Confessions

I bow my knee and lift my head
I look to you in reverence
there's nothing left that I can say or do

in this moment I am desolate
without your love I wouldn't last a day
every moment I rest on You

I remain undone by what You say
to me and how You change my life
with Your love and grace
You have redeemed me
my brokenness forgotten
Your life it seems to grow
within my soul, Your love takes hold

so mark this my confession
there is nothing left to give away
oh I adore You, I adore You

and all of my belonging
comes to rest upon this place
oh I adore You, I adore You

let me give this heart completely
followed by this life, my love, my all
for I adore You, I adore You

I adore You, I adore You
Your grace upon my face to shine
Your light this life to live within...

Our Prayer
Our Father who lives in heaven
How beautiful your name
May you be honoured in this place

You supply my needs
& for every living thing
A time and a season

For all that I have done
Please forgive me Father
Teach me to forgive

Let your kingdom come
May your will be done, oh Father
Let your kingdom come
May your will be done

Keep me away from the darkness
May I be yours for always
Forever and ever be yours
Yours be the glory
Yours be the power
Forever and ever, our Father

Let your kingdom come
May your will be done, oh Father
Let your kingdom come
May your will be done

Amen

Our father, who lives in heaven
How beautiful your name
May you be honoured in this place

Amen

tonight at 1am i'm still alive
i can feel it pulsing through my fingertips
a life being breathed in and out of my body
this hope being stirred deep within

tonight at 1am
the moon is a wonderful compass of love
so bright and full and shining down
lighting up the darkness like daylight

I will carry on, Lord. I will seek You out.
Not because your plans are great, or wiser, or more trustworthy.
I can't say any of those things honestly.
I hope that they might be, but I realise I don't want to be dishonest with You
by claiming a promise I do not hold, a faith I cannot hold up.
I will carry on, and seek You out
because You are the beginning of satisfaction.
You are the beginning of Comfort, the beginning of Love.
I am too human, and analyse too much the end of things.
So I will look to the beginning.

You make all things new in Your presence.
I still wish that I understood these things though.

Lord, make me with the spirit of a barren woman
ever ready to pour out my oil, a vessel empty
and awaiting your gift

a dangerous prayer
for emptiness is dangerous territory
but with all my heart and soul
I entrust to you a seed
that is willing to lay down in the soil
and lay out it's life
anticipating a less than easy death
but a restorative, worthwhile conception

help me, Lord
to lay down in the soil
and be buried
and also to die
not just go on living
in damp darkness

Precious & Few
dark skies and quiet hours
i'm restless now
images of baby breath
floating in and out
reassuring I'm here now
in a breathless moment

these dark hours get filled
with quick spoken whispered words
of all manner of things
we might change the world
a corner of this place
at least it's possible
while the world sleeps

recreate and meditate
and stretch a little wider
than we've been before
on words that float and fill
the darkness of the night
hours so precious and so few
when all the world is quiet
and we find space at last

it always aches in the morning
feels too bright in the light
a pleasant sort of pain
a mark, a scar from late night words
that heal a thousand things
makes use of all my energy
pours me out again, fill up
fill my cup with midnight hours
so precious, so few

Benediction
Great Heart of my heart
Search the depths of my soul
and see that You inhabit every part
each inch of skin and breath
lives only in the presence of Your
Great Love

If I am to give you my Liberty, then you must give it back to me, entrusting me with yourself, and trusting me enough not to abandon you once I have made my promises. Allow me the grace to wound you, to nurture you, fight with and challenge you, and to give you myself tenderly. Expect from me, my Love given with abandon, and displayed with bright, shining Creativity. I will make beautiful things for you, to look at, to hold, to laugh and cry with, to enjoy and to immerse yourself in. All that I do, will be to beautify and ready you for what you are called to.

If I am to give you my Liberty, then you must give it back to me and allow me to breathe deeply with all that I am, and accept with love & affirmation all that is part of me. Respect me, hold me with value, protect me, nourish and care for me as if I was always one of your own. I may not be blood of your blood, but treat me as if I am, for I have taken you into the center of my heart.

If I am to give you Myself, that is so precious and dear and worthy, then you must go with me to the deepest places, and show me all yourself, in every facet perfect and imperfect. I will show you my love by loving every part of you. We will be the Light reflecting into one another, and bringing hope to the dark places we find within ourselves.

I promise you, I pledge to you my Liberty, if you can live with this hope...

"This is what we are all dying for --- something that demands we step up and become better, more focused people. Something that calls out the greatness that we hope is somewhere inside of us."

Come swimming with me, Love. We will negotiate these waters together, and be stronger for it. I will bear the sting, if you will calm yourself and let me find the Path.

Light

don't want to think about
the darkness within
don't need any more than my
present heavy sins
just hold on to me
and let us celebrate

i give a little light to you
you bring a little back to me

______________________________


Light Up My Skies

light up my skies darling
no one but you can
fleeting electric jolts
to my existence

everything is powered
by the dark and light
of connecting to you
momentarily darling i live

_______________________________


Oh for me to live is Christ
And in him love abides
O touch my eyes that I may see
With child-like heart to wonder
O make my feet that I may run
The way of holiness beside the Lord

Oh for me to live is Christ
When You bestow Your Grace
Here in You my love awakes
Finds it’s Highest call
Be none of self and all of Thine
Your life in me abound

Oh let me live for Christ
There can be no other cause
All my heart wants to pursue
Is only you, is only you
My life is found in You,
Here fixed upon, the deepest Truth

So I will live for Christ
and in that moment death shall but disguise
My life eternal and complete
My life well satisfied
My life in Christ abide
And He with I, abide, abide, abide, abide

Well I’m so tired
Of falling in love
Finding it easier to fall out
You can’t deny it
I feel it inside Cupid’s fire
I can’t hide

oh my soul
fly to that resting place
beneath thy Beloved's face

be still and know
that He is God
and everything about the Way
is understood

There's a whisper of you in a coffee cup, sitting outside under green shades.
I'm making decisions to leave you alone, but you're whispering back to me.
You quiet me and I want you more.

Fleeting, Fragile Breath Of Life

fleeting, fragile breath of life
i have loved you even while
in the dark, secluded space
you were made, so well
you have left me right
before I had the chance to tell you
everything there is to say to
someone fragile, precious as you are

darkness, light colliding
here upon this broken, fragile heart
my own delight as fleeting as the
moments of your breath
precious, fragile, fleeting
breath of life you steal
away from me so silently

loved
you are
my
precious
fragile
fleeting
one

i will love you til the end of me

you said be with me
and I said I am young
you said we'll get older
i said it could be fun

you said be with me
and took me by the hand
I looked into you
and wanted all you had

you be careful with me darling
you uphold me
and I'll be careful with your love dear
how it carries me
I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
let's hold on together
I will honour you

you said be with me
I said I'm older now
you said it didn't matter
and I was getting colder
I said I want you to hold me
you said you had the time
I wish I had more to offer
all I have to offer are these old, aching arms

you be careful with me darling
you uphold me
and I'll be careful with your love dear
how it carries me
I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
let's hold on together
I will honour you

I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
I carry your heart in my heart
I carry it under my skin
I carry your heart in my heart
I'll be faithful

You betray me with a kiss, a thought, a fear
and it rises from inside me, everything resting on
your whim and will, I live on the edge
of a dream, folding, rising and it could break
turn to me with hidden eyes, secrets I could keep
you betray me with a kiss but I resist
I will believe the best of you

and all you wear is silk and lace
beneath old woman's clothes
always looking after porcelain
and it glows under the light in your eyes

and that noone ever touched this skin
or held that curve under a dark gaze

Do not cast me into the shadowlands of your existence, nor into the darkness that never sees the light of day. For I've upheld you into the sunlight of my life and connected you to the thread of lifeblood in my world.

___________________________________


i'm sorry for the person i became, so sorry that it took so long for me to change
i'm ready to ensure i never become that way again... who i am is who i've been

___________________________________


there are days when I remember you and on those days
your shadow falls over every other face I've loved
it's true you were the worst to me but turns out
there is one love in this life and you were mine
your name is written on my palm and pressed against my heart

"and where you go may angels watch over you and walk the same road ahead and behind of you all the time you wait and you watch and you seek out the beautiful and the hopeless in misery all the days you watch....

and where you may angels watch over you and walk the same road and bring you home on the straight line and let you walk it wise with your heart wide open never broken or beaten may you find the beautiful in surprised disguise... "

Somewhere Now Falling Through Space.

somewhere now falling through space
is the breath i will breathe
in the moment you pass into the room
and the sigh i'll exhale as you go by

falling through space the light
that will rest in my eyes three weeks from now
from the moon to the sea at the end of the jetty
and the sunset glow that will make us

climbing into starlight
the moments we'll hold on to as definitions
and glass balustrades holding our
fragmented selves together in salvation

feeling it in all the spaces
i'm making up for missing out before
i'm taking back the armies i sent in search
of your borders, i'm surrendering

closing up the aching wounds that
hang around like ghost in deserted towns
packing up the sorrows in the attic
welling up, i'm surrendering

filling up the silence of my heartsong
lighting up the darkness of my room
stripping out the sadness of my old
vocabulary, i'm surrendering

i think i found a new way home tonight
i think i found a different path than where we've been before
i think i found a new road to your doorway and i'm
waiting til you open the door, put on a light for me
i'm coming home to surrender

taking all the backroads one last time
thinking all the thoughts so i can say goodbye
i've packed yesterday in boxes and driven them away
i'm asking you to stay, i'm surrendering

and your light is just as radiant now
as it has ever been and even when before
i used to be so scared of how honest you could be
now I'm craving the rush of your truth in me
how i'm surrendering the darkness, the sadness of me

daybreak night shade
raw and holy

pure nakedness before a throne
of empty sky

searching starlit galaxy for
a King who would embrace me

now, expectant through my veins
earth water moonsky – in that Holy embrace

You’re making a Love
in my atmosphere for me to drink of

Been Home Lately

sky flashing and the heart's still racing
just like a long, long highway ride
hands touching and the night's still
bracing itself for the morning light
have you been home lately

living in a pocket grasp of my old life
carrying a beatup memory of my amorous self
holding back still holding you within
so everything can spark and sing
feels like coming home lately

i've been to lots of places
had you by my side, under my skin
but i've never been home with you
and the water rush and flood and burn
the light comes crashing in on me
and you within my heart, and on my mind
i've been to lots of places
had you by my side, under my skin
but i've never been home with you

grace fits me like a glove
everything can spark and sing
you by my side, under my skin
you within my heart, and on my mind

Coming Home

i see the light rising over the hills
and I know that I'm getting closer
day by day to where I'm gonna be
and I know i'm still far from home
cos I wasn't made for this place baby
I was just made for you

it's an alien footprint on this land
and colourful sand flies through my hands
i remember the scent of summer and the
warmth the hands of my father the one time
he held me close to him, so far from home
cos I wasn't made for this place baby
I was just made for you
home is just around the corner
in a year or two, sometime i'll get back home

days crumble into night and I'm all for escaping
there's no truth to the height of your passion
and the colour of treason you left me behind
the savagery of lovers when they push from the bed
cos I wasn't made for this place baby
but i'm stuck here to be close to you

i wasn't made for this place baby
my home is on a distant shore and i'm
not all that certain of how long it'll be
before i'm home, before i'm free but I'm
pressing on to the truth, to the light and
I know i'm washing you clean, here..
while I'm stuck being close to you...

onward, to the distant shore
onward to my Father's house
to a land I've never been
places only Heaven sees

to this day, I pledge my sight
not to close or turn my eyes
from the path, so steep inclined
this the narrow path I find

to the clouds of greatest sorrow
still I know my Saviour's pain
and the Gospel Love's companion
shapes my faith, my heart, my soul

find me climbing in the morning
taking step by step in starlight
for I travel where He leads me
on the narrow way I go

there He finds me, there He lifts me
with His hand so strong and still
bears me onward when I falter
when I fear and fail Him still

still I choose You, dearest Saviour
still I choose this rocky way
by my scars Lord, does Love grow here
so to love and bear Your name

love grows quickly by the hour
deeper still as yet I climb
hand held tightly to my Saviour
arms outstretched on either side

bring me Lord to your good measure
teach me wisely teach me well
let me learn the path so holy
help me climb that narrow way

grace that holds me while I tremble
lets me lean on Hope and Faith
grants me peace when storms are raging
grace that leads me on the way

little seed, you have carried the hope of my soul

you have been my world, my all, my invested self

i have finally learnt that burying you in the dark, damp ground

is the very task you were made for, that I was made for.



made to be buried, my confusion and sorrows

little seed, today you are gone down into the dirt and

i am empty handed again, bruised from holding you so tight

so long holding myself from the brink of homecoming



my pathway home, to the house of my father

the wide open, unknown but familiar embrace

is scattered with small burial mounds, hope filled moments

where I have learned to trust openhanded into the darkness



secretly I am burying myself, placing my too easily constructed

ideas into the earth to break down, shake out new strength

learning to breath in the big empty spaces

now that I am ready to be new.

Love Love Love
we never think things through
We fall all over each other

And there’s no telling exactly how this ends
cos we fall over each other to get to it
I certainly need you
red wine nights and moonlight songs
It’s so much waiting at the door
it’s as little as needs to be said
between the dawn and the dusk of it

How many days must we do the same old things
To get to the same old places that only bring us back
To misery

Your love is a lightening strike
A deep, dark warmth on a cooling night
A walking contradiction I can’t go past
so I come here again

how many days must we do the same old things
still find one another at the end of it

when the light rises it takes me with it
cast out adrift into the rush
the daylight crushes into me
steals my breath, catch hold of me
here on the cusp of bravery

put my hand in yours
put your hand in the small of my back
love is nothing if not known
in the smallness of your touch
love is everything brave about me
though I am a coward
holding your hand

Love, be satisfied that even
in silence, my heart cries out your name
(cripples me breathless)
in wonder of such brief syllables that make
such a weight. my tongue is thick on the
consonants (and takes flight in the vowels).

I know your name and the warmth that
springs up in my belly on it; whispered and dreamt
even in prayer is your name like sweetness
(on my tongue). I would wear you; like a garment
to be known by you, as you, like you (as your own).

My love is like a portrait of your name
in all richness (and freedom). Your name is the
sound of Love entering earth (and the heart being born)
and all at once becoming all (the beloved).

Do Not Wonder

do not wonder my darling
where my love grows
whether it grows towards you
makes itself a lantern to the lost

do not wonder, it grows
in the strongest part of me
the place nobody knows
my love does not grow in my thoughts

nor from my arms, strong and warm
as they are, they hold fast to all they
believe in. I believe in You, love
but there love does not grow.

not in my words, or hands, or face
nor where grace pushes through concrete cracks
my love does not grow where the weight of Your love rests
not in the heat or the rush or the gasp

do not wonder, my dear heart -
my love grows in the deep dark place
a place no one knows and barely I do
my love grows in the strongest part, my darling
my love grows in the intangible heart.

Do Not Wonder

do not wonder my darling
where my love grows
whether it grows towards you
makes itself a lantern to the lost

do not wonder, it grows
in the strongest part of me
the place nobody knows
my love does not grow in my thoughts

nor from my arms, strong and warm
as they are, they hold fast to all they
believe in. I believe in You, love
but there love does not grow.

not in my words, or hands, or face
nor where grace pushes through concrete cracks
my love does not grow where the weight of Your love rests
not in the heat or the rush or the gasp

do not wonder, my dear heart -
my love grows in the deep dark place
a place no one knows and barely I do
my love grows in the strongest part, my darling
my love grows in the intangible heart.

Lord... you have heard the words of the poet
behind every beauty there is some kind of pain
my burgeoning labour weighs heavily on me
with the unanswerable questions
like "why do you believe?"

I have no answers but a voice that sounds like yours
it's a voice on the wind
it's the summer i long for
it's the hope in the picture i'm painting
where late summer sun will warm my skin again
please let me not be cold that long

Lord... you know the wrestle of my heart unseen
the knifeblade of decision that sharpens on integrity
where is my justice Lord, where is my hope?
I have rested in your strength these years
but i am weary, the skies darken over me
You are not weary Lord, uphold me

everlasting one, draw near to me and i will yield to you
make my confessions of longing and hold on to my breath
catching my tongue on tears, kneeling on fist, head to floor
oh in this moment not to be alone
not to be in silence, not out of arms

and here is my whole heart and vision falling under shadows
here is my will submitting
Where is my justice Lord, where is my hope?
what now for the people? what now for tomorrow?
what left is sacred, what is left?

Wash the mud and spit from my eyes, heal my sight
wash the mud and spit from our eyes, heal our sight
make uncertainties clear, truth to light from fear
the many, make simple, make few, make right... make You.

there are times when i'm lead to be graceful
and times when i don't care at all for the words
that fall from my darkened lips, prayers and troubles, and ills

there are times when i know you'd like peaceful things
times that i can't measure up with my failings and worries
my secrets and crimes, i too easily carry my heart on the line

i know you've got plenty of angels watching
and i know you'd be hardpressed to leave me
but i'm falling off the world... hold on to me
it's hard to face courage & darkness at once

there are times when i pray cos i should, not cos i'm able
and times when i want everything complicated made simple
when my life is just a shadow formed by your light

i know you got everything held up in time
and i know you got me right where you want me
but i'm falling off the world... hold on to me
it's hard to face courage & darkness at once

there are times, love, when my hands are so open
it feels, love, i've got nothing at all left
there are times, love, you need to take me by the hand
so lend me your eyes, lend me your strength, hold on to me.

She's been loud, she's been quiet and meek. She's been sitting in a field of wheat and the light was golden, she finally grew older. Finally got to stand up on her own two feet. This girl, finally finding voice with which to speak.

_____________________________


The leaves hang by tender thread to branches drying out in the wind. The crisp blue light of clear mid-western skies falls down through golden tree cover and the breeze comes through the branches with enough gasp that the last of the leaves slip out of their grasp and descend to the ground. But the descending is just transcendant because the wind coming through the woods is slow and easy enough that the leaves just twirl and waltz their way to the forest floor. It's like watching cartoon snowflakes but in red and gold maple leaf stars instead. Standing in the midst of a shower of falling red and gold, falling gently and slowly enough to be captured on film and to watch with wonder is like standing under warm water rain for the first time. The rising breeze hits your nose with still clean grass and the sweetness of decay setting in.

_____________________________


A Poem Under Thunderstorms

before love could hold together
the great long shade of forever
you under new hope shine
first believe you're only everything
to some, me and other ones

At 30,000ft

at thirty thousand feet clear skies open
it clarifies my head and heart again
and lately when i'm stuck up here
i keep thinking of you, what you're up to
twenty six days and thirty two
of these airborne hours to go

i'm so far east and west of you
it crystallizes everything i knew
spirit in me calling for you
i wrote you a good letter, told you truth
'cept i didn't know how true it was
til i got home to you

that i am blessed, blessed
i confess that i am beyond my portion
my cup overflows

just tell me honestly and quick now
everything on your mind, clouding up the sky
breaking my heart is not so easy,
my grace allows
the darkness and the strife,
my heart stays in the light listening to
the thunder start to roll
but still i know, you're worth it in the end
and the storm above can blow
but close i'll hold you so
until forever is something we both can recognise
along with the colour in the sky
return to blue

I Won't Let Go Of You


Fish the moon like an arrow
I'll hold on to this narrow wire
I won't let go of you
In the darkness of the moment
Nylon burns on the line of my fingers
but I won't let go of you

You can be as strong as you like
For as long as you want
But I won't let go of you

You can crumble into pieces
and fall over the cliff
but I won't let go of you
I'll gather all the pieces
until you find the magic glue
I won't let go of you

You can be as brave as you can
As fearless as you're able cos
there's just no way, no reason
for me to ever, I just won't ever
I won't let go of you

So please
when you're launching into darkness
know that
I'll be waiting on the end of the line
cos I know
everything be alright in a little while
so please
keep on with the letting go of it and
know that
there is a patience that is long enough
cos I know
you're worth it in the end, so hold on
so please

you can be as strong as you like
for as long as you want
but I won't let go of you
so worth holding on to
I won't let go of you

you can be safe and fearless even reckless
you can live out on the edge
cos I won't let go of you
I won't let go of you

Oh I live in a land of regrets
oh there are a few but mostly i forget
the names, the places
it's just the feelings I remember
and the look in your eyes
of complete surprise, I always took you by surprise

but i have never loved the easy road
i like the rocky, turning path
i move around my shadow like the sun
i let the struggle break me til i'm soft
and i rise up the victor in the end
a softer girl than i began

_______________________________


Requiem For Moonlight


once in the shadow of a dark moon
caught in the lamplight flicker
hope danced on a black sky
dimples of light where her feet landed

hope knows how to dance on the deep darkness
in the depths she latches on with fury
curls up her will into lightening
eyes flash and spirit leaps

i am living beyond the horizon my whole life long
you'll never catch me
nor trample the starlight I leave behind

_________________________________________________


i might be made of pieces
but i'm not fucking broken
so move your hand from my cheek
and from my back
i don't need your strength to stand
i'm not broken despite the best attempts

i might be made of pieces
but i'm not over
and i'm satisfied to work on that
cos on my knees, some humility
God knows the state of my heart
not fucking broken, strong enough

this is a life in progress
and I'm a heart of pieces
perfectly designed for easy examination
heartbreaks and rebuilding destinations
i'm not over, i'm not over
324 perfect little pieces
piecing me back again, again

i have a strong heart
my mother gave it me
when i was young and ever since
i've kept in good nick
a strong heart
it withstands heavy things
good luck breaking it

i might be made of pieces
mostly from the inside out
parts of the heart that live outside my shell
and beat a tattoo that I know on my soul
pieces, where'd i learn to be so strong
got it in pieces, from the broken ones
but i'm not broken i'm not broken
just a collection

Love Of A Long Time


it takes a long time to love
cos love is a creeping vine
entangles and entwines you
and it likes to take it's time
gets deeper with each winter
each sorrowed autumn drought
and the spring rains in September
they give seed to love itself

when first you thought you ever knew him
and years before you did
there were glimmers in the heart, before the loving ever starts

just a whisper you belong here
safe within his strong heart arms
and the chuckle of surrender along a girlish tender laugh

when first i knew you love was hurried
a faint and grand idea but it's settled on my secret heart
your name, and love has grown there
five long summers in six years, broken dreams along the way
whilst i thought once had loved so truly
our true love grew on the way

call me home within that strong heart
where I've shared some sorrows too
and the joy of our long love dear, is what brings me home to you.
and when i'm far from you remember just how deep this love has grown
i am yours now, all entangled and your strong heart is my own.

it takes a long time to love
love likes to take it's time
might take an hour every day for six years in a row
might take a full moon and a promise when love starts to grow
leave time love, for the fighting, for wounds to heal a mite
and the love gets better for the depths of it, the loving's better for the scars

keep a picture of the heart in envy
take one in ecstasy, and let them both live in the memory
so you see what love can be

take me home into that strong heart,
to the only home I know
and make me laugh dear, with the memories
of the long road home to here.

i built this hard, love, with my fierce heart
i refused to let you go, once i realised what we were dear
what love we have become.
they might ask me why a strong man, when i could have asked for less
but i'll say i wanted heart, your strong heart that loved me best.
we work so hard to make a life but the love is big enough
and that's why it is so hard at times because the love is much too much

it took so long to learn surrender, my truth, but i learn it from your arms.

Ambition.


there are the dark days
that cloud the mind right from the start
there are the eulogies i compose
for my own goodbyes
there are the melodies i've learned
to sing by heart when i'm alone, afraid
my life has been a song of sorrows

there is a quietness that i have never shaken
a terrifying absence and depression
that most of what i dream of will never come to pass
cos i imagine life too big before i even start

and my ambition is to make a difference
as large a one as i ever could concieve
and my name may never be made known
my ambition stays the same
i'd make a difference to your heart

i've read ten thousand names and whispered them aloud
i've spent long nights awake perfecting every part
i've listened to the heartbeat of a thousand lives
and heard the same refrain, and i've tried to make a difference

there are the words that stick
within the corners of the mind
there are the tears that start
with any memory of long hard nights
there are the sad songs and poems
that walk me through the days
my life has been a song of sorrows

and my ambition is to make a difference
collecting all the stories my life is made of
and if i could somehow remember all their names
my ambition was to make a difference to your heart
and their names would make the finest start

my eulogy can start anytime you like
as soon as you feel satisfied, i'll take the walk
i simply ask to see a thousand faces beside the Son
and remember me where i made a difference to your heart

A Collection Of Stanzas

1.
i want to cry forever
until my tears are dry
i want to cry forever
until i'm washed away
i want to cry forever
until my skin is pale
through and through
til there is nothing of me

2.
how precious is grief
like a numb and sting
all at once and over again
how quiet is the pain
though my heart is loud inside my skin
my words fall into silence
and i hold on fast to them

3.
i don't need you to argue for me tonight
not with me, yourself or any other ghosts
oh let angry words put down their curses
and weapons aim their sights away
let rain wash all things clean again
oh what other good is there for a storm tonight?

4.
have mercy with your words tonight
in your arms tonight
for the sake of our love and my hurt tonight
don't break me, have mercy tonight
i break and i boil and live a little
where you are even when you're far

5.
love has a way through valleys and rises
there must be a way of peace through all of this
for all i've done wrong
all that's pulled apart
all injustice decried

if you're torn all to pieces
i can mend a broken heart

las profundidades de mi corazón

so i keep on talking
late into the night
and parts of me feel mostly dead
you're keeping me alive

so age is not the passing
or a measure of what's past
just keeping score of what
we've given up, my love
you saved my life tonight
you did it twice before you noticed
i was drowning in the dark
then you came to me

come and be my lover
marry me for good
you can be my anchor

i will be your truth - and hold me to the light
marry me for good and always
you can be the anchor
in the depths of my heart is you
So i keep on talking
and Im out of breath
and all I am is light and dark
and there's no words left

But in the depths of my heart
in the depths of my heart
in the depths of my heart is you

Fragments Of Songs I'm Writing For You.


dark night on a long road
220 minutes still to go
spacing out time on odometer
with all our stories running through my head

if we stretched out all the spaces
we had nothing much to say
we'd be further than it seems right now
we'd still not be ok
we're farther than we started
we're still more than far away

if i opened up the wreckage of this life
you'd see sparks fly from my insides
and the flames burn higher for the silence
my spark wants you to stay, for the road home

------------------------

you
take
me
piece
at
a
time
with
no
patience
for
my
spirit
weak
tired.
you
take
me
apart.

------------------------

oh my dear sad heart
on far shore you proclaim
the strength of days the hope
of past mistakes restored i
am only ever waiting on a
star to fall from
outer reaches of the
dark, fragrant spaces.

oh the dearest, the best
save all the letters and
re-scatter them, make new
beds we lie in every Saturday
and new songs rewritten
in each small perfection
a confection of the melancholy
perfect symphony of catastrophe.

laid upon disaster oh the
vanishes of deep blue skies
and conflicting pinstripes call
nothing left on wasting time
floating on the current of the
day with light accompanying
you to heaven with a violent
twist, an aching kiss.

How Easy It Is To Mistake Grief For Loneliness And Vice Versa

I'm feeling the Ache tonight
and i don't know why still i know it was right
to hear your voice today but you echo in me tonight

the breath of God is falling, in the ruach Elohim
like rivers to my soul still i am empty
waiting for rain to come

come fill my sorrows til the cup is done
my skin is burning for the company of a friend
my life is turning with whispers of the end
i'm holding on, holding on

my song is not yet done, my kiss is still on hold
my lips are full of words my heart is not silent
you echo in me tonight, your voice is in my head
and God is present and around it

you search for love notes in the corners of my room
hidden in boxes and for rainy days
but i tell you honestly, you will not find them there
i've written them under your skin

you'll learn to love the whiskey on my tongue
like honey, like raisin and rum

He Aprendido De Sus Labios.

from corners and shadows
the echoes of blue shattered with moonlight
falling from below the world

i have learned from your lips
the sound of hunger
and from your touch the sight of horror
from your lips wonder and sorrow comes
in the breath of the night
like a lamp set on fire

in daylight and winter
the crisp burn of the frosthit ground
rising in the aftermath

i have learned from your lips
the endless thirsting
and from your words the silence of love
from your lips promise and sadness falls
in the breath of the night
like a lamp set on fire

in dying flames and blue smoke
the embers and the ash of warstrikes
to the heart and truth of it

i have learned from your lips
the satisfaction
and from your want, the never coming
from your lips the true and untrue kiss
in the breath of the night
like a lamp set on fire


Monday, June 30, 2008
My Trouble.
at the bottom of the glass
at the end of the page
whatever road you carry on with
you're gonna go on your own
there's nothing you take with you
when you go down to the sorrows

sorrow burns my eyes tonight
sorrow burns my eyes tonight
cos beauty is born and dies in the sadness
and i am sweetly blind
stuck in the middle of coming and going
stuck in the doorway of my trouble

if i leave you, i leave you
when i go down, down
to the darkness of sorrows
blue light shining
all around me
trouble's light and trouble's woe
all around me

at the bottom of the glass
at the end of the page
friend become a empty foe
words slip off the pages
fall unformed from my lips
dark in the valley
when i go down, down

sorrow burns my eyes tonight
sorrow burns my eyes tonight
cos beauty is born and dies in the sadness
and i am sweetly blind
stuck in the middle of coming and going
stuck in the doorway of my trouble

in the land of sorrows
light is blinding with a pinspot
on my kindness every grace is sharpened
against my skin for the blue light gathers in
whatever is gained under the light you cannot keep
can't bring a soul with you cos they'll never quite leave

ode to 16 minutes before showtime at the first public showing

you are the heady space between nausea and applause
the dark seconds ticking by
with apprehensive good luck wishes
thoughts of every other moment we wished ourselves free of

humiliation and cluttered mind to find three chords
here on a fretboard, distortion pedal, ivory and bass drum
rest, 3, 4 and tuning. walk, pace, turn, fidgetting in
perfect time with a scratched nailpolished forefinger twisting

through hair and pacing yourself, too much punctuation and too
few word phrase lyrical melodies in the head oh peace in closing
black dustbound staged perfectly cramped sweaty bliss of
16 minutes before the clock countdown to relief and in all this

breathing is sometimes more complicated that you expected.

ode to elongated sentences, adjectives and syntax that wraps around the corners of the world

you solely possess the unerring ability to
make me smile, laugh, cry and sink
deep below waves of torrent emotion and
otherwise reknown experience and all

in a series of movement known as teeth and tongue
sharp intakes and breath and exhaling whoosh
words sound so different in the head when swimming round the
brain cavity rather than the resonators

but still on paper wrapped around corners
so precise and specific in their unveiling of perfect
adjectives and cobwebby words that were once loved and
left behind in the gobblegook chasing down on sunlight

leaving nothing but abrupt shadows of fleeting ideas
barely grasped but in bright dazzling light
you sit on the page so elegantly, so full and complete with
rounded bellies and strong thighs, architectural wonders

words that have learned to caress one another.

ode to the view from my window at 5.48pm on a Wednesday



newcall you're always

so hustle and bustle

with your crisp overfabricated

solid brick lines of 1983



you speak in short blunt sentences

of illustrious views you have

from corner offices

you whisper your smug delight to



church steeple

always so envious of her sleek lines

and how she soaks up the evening light

like a vacuum built just for golden rays

of early evening



both of you submissive to the

reservoir that holds all hope

within it's grey exterior

i wonder if hope gets warm

as sunlight hits the sides

of your great reserving force



how beautiful it is

to know the secret intimacies of the west

while facing east

seeing nothing of the fact

but knowing the full naked effect

of the sun setting at our backs



the four of us sitting so

resolutely on a quarter block

above Odeon.

ode to the Galbraiths chef sitting at the backdoor.

pink flustered mottle cheeks
ripe like peaches or pork belly

you stand like a beacon to
long hours and
damp hot sweaty
oil slick
conditions

the set of your chin is
vacant and motionless
as if born that way

busy
hassled
frought

this order and that
with one swing of a teatowel
over a jovially round shoulder
you pivot

back into orders of
fries and pies
pub grub

you wonder about
fine cuisine
and peter gordon
throwing pearls before
swine
and thank God for yeast.

ode to the cigarettesmoking man in ngaruawahia

lungbuster
in stubbed shorts with
a winter tan protuding
on strong legs

hiding in shadow
of a beer belly
pie belly
donuts and pastry
construction worker
truck driver
all the jobs you
might have had

causing you to wear
very nonFashion Week
fluoro yellow

on the side of the road smoking
in ngaruawahia

at least your lungs must be
warm and that congested feeling
must be comforting
at 7.30am

a waikato september

I am tired now
Just lately when I think about it

Whoever said apathy wouldn’t get me
Whoever said that you wouldn’t rub off on me
Who ever said
Cos I was never that honest with you
I am tired now just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it lately

And my head feels a little colder
My heart feels a little smaller
My world seems a little shorter
Something must be gone just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it just
Lately when I think about it lately
Things just aren’t the same

a little darkness now
a little silence in the staunch
white light
that calls me out of this sadness.

a brief sorrow
shared in ether for a soul
i could barely know
but love has grown so that i grieve her.

Lucidity Speaks

When you speak, how often I must
listen with baited breath
to hear the thing you might say
next, could be funny or serious

off guard, i tend to spend these moments
and makes me like an addict
for I love the rush of blood to my
head when you make me think

before I speak, so I don't get it wrong
so I don't regret, but I live regretting
these moments, precious, few
i spend in awe of you, when Lucidity speaks

it reminds me that there's something in the
air around us that I'm breathing funny
something makes me come alive
ideas that once were silent fly into

the sky that wakes and blinks in
blue hues that colour everything around us
somehow sharper with your eyes wide open
your voice softly speaking things aloud

where I can hear them, over rush of blood
and thought where they are blooming now
in sunshine of your fertilising mind, strange
how coincidence draws you to new places

where I've decided I would share a glass
of wine with you that was old, red wine that
I would usually treasure with someone dear
like you could someday be, you shake me.

for the sake of the moment
will you hold on to me
nothing like pretending
so in my head i have
a perfect memory
just one perfect memory

she's holding so tight
to the darkness coming
she'll do all she can
to stop the tide rising
drink til she's drowning
what else to do
holding on so tight to you
not a moment to lose

always running scared of something
somebody's always pretending
being something that they're not

sometimes i have to make the effort
sometimes i have to try real hard
sometimes i have to make the effort
most of the time i question, is it worth it

sometimes i have to concentrate on what's ahead
i have to focus on what's important
and i have to choose between this and that other important thing
i want to go to sleep, lie down beside you
you are my important thing of the moment

cos i might never get this moment back
i might never get the hour back
and i would rather spend it in your love
than on something not worth it

sometime after dark last night
i fell in love with You
what am i supposed to do with that?

somewhere in the quietness of my mind
You crept inside, made Your own space
how am i to live with You inside my head?

I've got questions, so many damn questions
I can't answer for myself
I've got long lonely nights to think about them
I spend the night thinking about You
so we are Intimate, we are close
even though sometimes it's just Proximity

jsut by accident
or by some sweep of providence
i hit delete when i should have said
ignore
and now
it's left me here with nothing
but memories of what you said

and i suppose that it's the best way
to recover from the love that broke
my heart
that i had no cause to love you
and i had no right to ask

i'm calling you to say
i won't be calling anymore.

no life
that makes sense
at least i can't seem to find it
i drive
for hours on roads
that bend and twist but i can't lose
the reflection
in the rear view mirror
as i drive away from you

another sad week in wellington
and i try to find my life

and i swim and i swim
in this sea of sadness
i dream and dream
of brighter days
i like to think about your lips
on the side of a coffee cup
beside the beach

so i drove to the closest little
village i could find
didn't make me feel complete
there is no headspace where i'm hiding
no good hiding here

no action or thought in my life
seems to be real or
concluded
until i've told you,
asked you,
confessed to you,
discussed it with you
.... so i am feeling undone.

you are so sweet to me
like moonlight in doorways
you make things appear
different to what they are
and things through your eyes are much
softer.

i'm making it the hard way
fighting all the goodness
never laying down all that i should
i am fighting your sweetness
trying to take the sugar off my
tongue.

pleasing myself and pleasing you
there's a civil war between the
hemispheres of my head, my heart
likes to break over and over
my sugarcane heart breaks over you.

they say
you can't write poetry on a computer
but in ten or twenty years
i'm not sure that i'll know any other way

certainly i prefer the feel of paper and the
silkiness of my pen spilling it's
emotional ink all under my fingers
instead of Bill's cold plastic giving me RSI

i never heard of anyone getting RSI from
sending too many Hallmark cards
technology is battling me for your heart
because you spend your life breathing here

living over there, 4000 miles away
ten days ago i sent you love poems and dreams
all on my computer. maybe if i had sent you
paper.. you would love me
and live here with me.

blue skies are blinking at me
i should be happier today
but i'm realising
we're going to have to relearn conversation
distance is so hard
sometimes you seem so close
other days i don't think
you need me anymore.

and i reason it out
that it's not in your nature
to say those things aloud
and there's a certain amount of caution in it
but i wish that you would
so i didn't feeling
like i was being devious by having thoughts of you.

i'm whispering to the world
tiptoeing out in cyberspace
i'm listening

you don't talk back often
i jsut flood you with my ideas
and you reflect back at me
all that everyone is thinking
still my head is full full
my heart soft soft

i am trying to build a bridge
but it blows in the wind
and i have to move my foundations...

maybe i should just start from the top
walk across
and not worrying about from the ground up.

finding peace in all the running out
of things to say
that involve words
there's so much that i'm used
to telling you with eyes
and touch

in the afterglow of drinking...
when young hard men fall asleep
and i sit awake
recovering from the trembling and heat
that says i should be loving you

i sit drinking coffee to mellow out
a strange contradiction. like a cup of tea after a gig.
i'm thinking about you and intimacy
getting lonelier

it's getting colder here
but it's not yet in snow season
so i've got a nice idea
let's pack up the books and journals
take this life journey
to an older continent
my love let's take ourselves to spain

let's make conversation amongst
old buildings and spanish lovesongs
where our guitar songs are sweeter
and softer, drinking harder and longer

let's go to bed and wake up
to spanish sun, where we are brown
and bodies feel kissed by light
barcelona and all the romance
of the languages
and cathedrals. let's talk about bronze
and world changers
in summer
my love let's go to spain

i've often dreamed of that place
seems to be a perfect fit
for a season out of place
let's go be soft and gentle and brown
laugh and play
feel rhythm underfoot
eat spices and drink wine
make sweet words
and learn to dance

my love lets go to spain
and return here to hibernate
once winter strikes again.

here i am in silence
here iu am in winter chill
here i am in sunlight burst
on a grey day
sitting in a window sill

here i am in my ordinary life
hoping for extraordinary things to be today
here i am in my ordinary life
i've got extraordinary dreams
i'm waiting for monday to arrive
here in my ordinary life

i've been sitting here in silence
listening to the radio and wondering what i'm listening for
the rain is beating on the windows of the bedroom
and it's lonely here without you
lonely here without you but
i wouldn't want to give away your dreams at all

so, i'm holding to a window of the future
a glimpse of all that we could be
and i'm okay with that.
for now.

i've been walking through the city
i've questioning my mind trying to understand
my reasons for this trouble that i find
and i wouldn't want to break away or change
the outcomes of the hopes i have for
based on last weeks yesterday

so i'm holding on
waiting
and i'm holding on
waiting for you
to come around
return from where you've been
i'm waiting here
and i'm okay with that.

when a word falls from my lips it means nothing,
what does it mean? it means nothing
when a word falls from my lips it means nothing
it means nothing
when i speak to you
would you
listen to my heart speak over and over

i've no expression or phrase
that means exactly what i want to say
so
listen to my heart speak
over and over
listen to my heart
as it cries out to you

i'd like to make believe with you
if that's alright
we've got the pieces that we need to make
enough of a
pretend romance

spin spinning a
spin spinning around around around
i've got to let go i'm so frightened i cant get control of this
im spin spinning out of contol
i have got nowhere to land that's
soft and soft and at all secure

here i am again
clothed in the same robe
i wore when i fell at your feet
for the first time
i've tried to wash it clean
in rivers that i travelled through
though i have been soaked to the skin
i still bear the dirt and the shame
so i come to your grace

you are waiting here for me
i know that your heart beats louder
the closer i come
it's like i feel your own love
burning for me like i burn for you

come closer now
let me breathe in your grace and and peace
there is none like you
none that satisfys my need.

how i long to be as close to you
as i have been. to worship
i cry out to bend my knee
to sing aloud in words that
mean something.

i have wandered off the path
without realising the change in the concrete
without realising that mud and mire is
swarming up to pull me back
into the darkness
i have been escaping.

yet i look to the heavens
and there are you
holding out a hand of grace
strong enough to beat the tide
of my own inadequacy.

things to remember when i am lonely and absent
like the colour of your sky from the north
things to remember
when i am colourblind with tears
when i am mourning things
i have not known

things to cling to when the sea is full of storn
choked up with all the things i'd like to say
things that i should have thrown away
things that will make a memory of me one day

things to hold on to in the midst of the wind
things that make romance happen in the middle of the day
for when i've had enough of things that make no sense
you're the thing that brings it all together
that makes the frame make sense

have you ever taken the truth from me
ever lied to make me smile ever lies to set me free no never
you have always been the one that means the most to me
so i will

hold on to these things
the things of you that make
make it all so clear to me
to me these things mean nothing
so i will hold on to none of it

i will be free

of the everyday things
and leave behind the messy things
i don't need anymore of your painful things
i have enough of my own...
things.

things to remember when i am lonely and absent
like the colour of your sky from the north
things to remember
when i am colourblind with tears
when i am mourning things
i have not known
things to cling to when the sea is full of storn
choked up with all the things i'd like to say
things that i should have thrown away
things that will make a memory of me one day

i will be free of things like these...

you give yourself away
in the breaking hour of the day
you hope that promises you make
with tears will bring you some of
the joy you seek
but daily you get down on your knees

you give yourself away
to convuluted dreams and aspirations
that meant nothing in the light
of all you've seen, you'll do anything
save admitting that you're lost
but in the evening you still pray

in heaven's rapture answers fall
from fleeting skies that drip and tuire
they roll and sway beneath the waves
of hemisphere and oxygen

when i am old and gray
not so long from now
i will remember you
into the hills and valleys
i will carve the promise of your
great hope
i will tell children of the inspiring
shadows you cast as you walked
and where the river followed as you ran
i will not forget to remind them
of the care you took of the little flowers
how you tolerated the thorn
and understood the grief of the lily

i will hold onto you in the sunsets
and remember you as it rises, listening
to waves crashing down in their lament
for you, where you fade too quickly
from the earth
where human form leads you to decay
but spirit remains remains

from eat to west i will travel the land
make my path through the ocean currents
i will take your spirit with me
over the mountains you should have travelled
swimming in the sea
where your skin would've tanned
and your hair lightened.
cataracts should've formed pale discs
on hazel orbs.
we would've rushed to catch the scenery
whilst you were able.
paris, vienna, rome and through the desert
of africa
papua new guinea
where we buried your sister
before i knew her

i will tell my children how you loved your children
and suffered the indignity of being
married to a man out of age
but suffered with grace. i will tell them
how to his grave he proclaimed you
were the best in every aspect of his life
and i will weep my lament to heaven
for words he should have shared with you.

where is this grief that should have been
spun out with weariness and sorrow
tears that should have fallen on gravesides
memorial roses
or maybe the carrot beds that should've saved you.
i will remember you
i will weep where others have not
and be joyful for your spirit in me.

i'm such a strange strange girl
i don't like to make a fuss of my
femininity or my womanhood
i don't take serious enough the suffrage movement
i don't take serious enough
my biblical responsibility
i believe in mutual submission
but i look in the mirror
i see

oh i'm such a strange strange girl
mostly independent
mostly free of consequence
dependance and comforting things
but what does a strong girl do
what does a strong girl do
when she doesn't feel like
like being alone

what does a strong girl do
she can't put on a show like those other girls do
being meek and mild is not so easy for her
she is too quick to open her mouth
what does a strong girl do
when she is looking for a strong enough man
how does she convince him that she's
willing to tow the line.

should ahve put a padlock on my mouth
given up the key to some paternal figure
to measure the mess i've made of me
oh oh look up at the sky
oh how i've screwed it up this time

falling falling down down spirlling
to the ground i can' seem to find my feet
i'm dancing like a demon without a care
but oh look look
how i've screwwed this up again

should have put a padlock on my mouth
should have exercised control
i've learnt so much about myself this time
i know it must be truth
i've screwed it up again

oh what is there to do about it
ain't no sad sorry song to sing
i'll wear with a boldness and a swing
in my step oh boy look look up at the sky
oh oh i've screwed it up again

no more point in sorries to the wider public
it's not their accliam they wouldn't understand
the poetry in apology
instead i'll take my humble down down to the river
and wash it out, out damned cursed tongue
and foolish mouth, well now i'm laughing
cos i see the pointlessness with which i breathe
no care not enough care to stop myself before i
cut my nose to spite my face

should've put a padlock on my mouth
and stayed at home, not to run the risk
putting my foot in it, i spat my dummy
did a dance on the poor souls who dreamt to
put themselves in my way
oh oh foolish girl
sordid mouth that lives too loud outside her shelf
oh you've done it once again
i've done it once again
can't hide the slightest pride
on how i've done it once again

oh oh look up at teh sky
i've screwed up once again

oh darling
your heart reminds me of a time
when i was younger and more innocent
more willing to be squandered
and to waste away on dreams.

close your eyes
be blinded for a while
let it sink in
like you're swimming
in a mudpool
watching the fish dance

grow a chilled out new perspective
for yourself and no one else
quit racing against the clock you made
you'll wear yourself right out and gain nothing

i'll here now for a while, let you calm down
you can float along for a small time
outta here leave with your eyes closed
and wake up tomorrow still dreaming
the wonderland fog is more than acceptable here

my dreams are fading into restless wonders of what they used to be.

doyou believe in me anymore
now that you're far away from here
things don't make the same sense
out of the atmosphere they were born
you seem all distant now
and far away
makes it all seem like a convaluted dream
i'd like to make it all seem warm and near

are you believing?
in me

i'll never try to pretend that i don't feel this way
that sunlight isn't like another kind of blood to me
that i don't miss your touch as much as i can breathe
that i don't feel the kick and rub of when you're far from me

i will not pretend that it goes unnoticed now.

you know i'll do what it takes
i've never been afraid of
running headlong into the wind
or falling flat on my face
seems i've been gifted with genetic grace
for picking up the pieces so i'll

carry on, now love
be pummelling onwards til the dawn
all i need to make it to tomorrow
is three little conversations
with somebody who knows me
somebody i'm trying to love
and somebody who might have
something to teach me
i think i'll survive
another round.

whatever you do this time
don't let the love get you
it'll do its best but
don't let the love get you
convince you with red wine and romance
whisper you sonnets, but
don't let the love get you.

you can go very very far
with merely battle scars
but if you pack up your loves
carry them with you
they'll become heavy heavy
you don't want to carry them
all that way

so you've got something on your mind
oh now, don't let the love get you
and you've got trouble in your smile
so, don't let the love get you
you're in the middle of the fire
that flame is burning you
but don't let the love get you

your insides all light up, on fire
rushes to and fro inside your skin
your mind takes you places
you ought not to go
oh let the flame burn and cool it
down with eyes that speak
so alive now

everything you need body, taste it
don't let the love get you
all your sweetest dreams girl
don't let the love get you
it will pull and push you into
the strangest places
don't let the love get you

whatever you do this time
don't let the love get you
it'll do its best but
don't let the love get you
convince you with red wine and romance
whisper you sonnets, but
don't let the love get you.

what we know of love is
rush and heat and fire and burn
with the head throbbing
heart beating so fast and
the mind lose grasp of real
the love chases you down
to swallow you up

whatever you do this time
don't let the love get you
it'll do its best but
don't let the love get you
convince you with red wine and romance
whisper you sonnets, but
don't let the love get you.

this illness, this brutal shadow on our romance
this timely, uninvited breath of reality
this thing that hints at deathly
robs you of what is rightfully yours
and threatens all our newborn fleeting fancy.

i will not let you keep this private
i will make you open your eyes and tell me
look into mine and be frighteningly honest with me.
please don't let this be the thing that shuts the door.
please don't let this be the end of what we've hoped for.

i can feel the ending now
the credits rolling on a b-grade film
please don't let this be the thing that shuts the door.
please don't let this be the end of what we've hoped for.

my hands are small
much smaller than i thought they were
but everything is relative to comparison
with yours.

my hands are warm
they have always been but
they are colder than yours, they are
colder and smaller.

my hands are rough
i've always thought of them with callouses
with a patchwork of scars, but they are softer
softer and colder and smaller than yours.

what can i do with these small hands?
i do not play so well as you can.
what can i do with these warm hands?
they cry out to be warm.
what can i do with these rough hands?
these scars, and this leather skin.
i can make something from nothing with you

everything is relative in comparison with yours.
i can be small, cold and soft, needing your
size, warmth and strength.
the illustration is.... i can be independant
i'm tough enough to be alone now
or i can admit
some weakness, say i need you.

my hands are strong
they are strongest than most
they can pull down, tear away and rebuild
they are strong enough

my hands are gentle
they soothe and ease away frowning
they can relax and revive muscles and strength
they are gentle enough

my hands are quick
they can move like lightening
making music and making words that say everything
they are quick enough to speak

my hands are instinct
they know how to touch other
hands, lips, shoulders, arms in a caress
they are instinctive with you

what can i do with these small hands?
i do not play so well as you can.
what can i do with these warm hands?
they cry out to be warm.
what can i do with these rough hands?
these scars, and this leather skin.
i can make something from nothing with you

the rain is falling down again today
we know it doesn't matter anyway
though it leaves us
with sad grimaces on our faces
and small blue clouds relecting
on our eyes

tomorrow i will wake
up at the same time
with much the same amount or lack
of romance about it
it may rain
it may pour down light from heaven
we know it doesn't matter anyway

on friday last i saw you
singing sad old songs
in the rain to a sad old man,
you made him smile
it rained for half the set and the
rest was bathed in sun
we know it doesn't matter anyway

simpleminded adolescence died
in my whispering fingers
and against best innocence
your eyes are fading hard
like water drops end

don't get it wrong now love
take your time
you don't get to redirect it
no bright lights
no empty stage
no rehearsal
there's just no time